2010 and I Mean It!
Finally, we get to the teens of the latest and greatest millennium… but, er, it really isn’t proving great so far, is it? I think the slogan for this millennium, as it stands is, “Well at least we haven’t blown each other up yet!”
Oh, you sassy young millennium, your reckless behavior is embarrassing the family! Such rage, such clumsiness, such impatience, such lashing out without wisdom! Just like a human’s life, your first decade, you’ll look back someday and be astounded that you survived at all! And then, you’ll shiver doubly so for your teenage years! Braggartness and egotistic drama, here it comes!..
I believe that the ‘teens’, as we may come to refer them, will be seen as the decade where we tried like hell to have iChips implanted into our heads so that everything can be done as fast as our Internet connection service will allow. A chip in our head, whether it’s wise or not, just as long as we’re the first on the block to get one… I started out 2000 wanting to be on the crest of upcoming technology, but I’m really convinced that it’s just the saddest new means to separate ourselves from each other. I mean, are you really connecting with or enriching your human experience when you ‘Twitter’? I’m beginning to see the allure of the Amish! All I’ve observed about technology so far is that it allows us to acknowledge each other, without spending any real time amongst each other. And that’s kinda sad, really. Not an improvement.
But to me, 2010 and the ‘teen’ years should be a time to refocus, and get serious, again, and for a change. I must face that, success-wise, I fairly well just pissed the Aughts away. All the projects I should have done, got lost in the shuffle as I traveled around in a huge geographical circle. Wisconsin to Oregon, Oregon to California, California back to Wisconsin. It was an eye-opening adventure, and actually a time of growth (in a formative way) for my sons, which possibly helped them grow more than a stay in Wisconsin would ever have done.
But what would have happened to ME if I’d stayed in Wisconsin? That’s a contemplation I really can’t put to words. I have no idea. I probably would have stagnated in many ways, yet probably would have bought a house… how can you quantify such a grand diversion? How can you set up the scales? I keep thinking of some phrase about how the adventure is in the journey itself, and the best part about the journey was that I saw ‘a whole ‘nother country’, in a real sense. And it absolutely guided me to change careers, for better or worse. Would I have lasted in commercial printing for 20+ years? Would it have been satisfying? Truth is, probably not, on both counts. So I diverted to graphic arts, graphic design, newspaper design, reporting, editing, reviews, etc, and then shifted gears entirely and moved to warehouse work. What did I learn from all that? That I enjoy staying active, and deskwork sucks! Now here I find myself in 2010, and I’m a half-time desk jockey, and halftime warehouse walker… who would have guessed?
Anyways, the point is that 2000-2009 was the decade of raising my boys and finding other options for ‘career’. With my sons being ages 7 to 19 in these years, I sort of had to focus on them a bit more than myself, and I think I made the right choice. Parenting is a fine line between being there to lift them up, while still kicking and huffing to secure time for yourself; it’s a peculiar dance of growing up in the secondary tier.
For this entire time I’ve talked and talked and talked, trying to guide, convince and threaten my sons to find a wise path. And now I’m very near sick of talking. If they don’t see the value of making good effort by now, they never will, and I’m starting to see a reason to cut back on my proselytizing, for their ease and mine. Youngster Andrew needs a few more nudges, but overall, I’m growing so weary of preaching the same 5 things. Like I’ve said, perhaps a few well-placed nudges…
So 2010 really must be the decade of doing things for ME. I’ve got Nick on a step into college, and hopefully Andrew will revelate through example (since he repels at heeding dad’s drones), so I’m a little bit off the hook, little bit coming up for air. And the funny thing about aging is, the older you get, the less enthusiasm (or strength) you have for anything at all, or at least that’s my experience. So many things seem like futile expenditures… but again there are times when I know I’m too young to give up, and anything good is worth the pursuing. So God help me, this must be the decade where I do all the “Me” things that I put on standby, presumably for this decade to arrive. Such a nice round number, it must be the perfect corner to re-assemble myself at.
I’m not going to embarrass myself with specific goals for each year or the entire decade, especially with specifics, since I have so many hobbies I’d like to revisit, but the biggest goal I’d like to challenge myself with, and the world can taunt and shame me into sticking to it; I welcome it.
By 2012 (since the world’s ending in 2012 anyways, right?), I want to have written my first 3-book series, with illustrations. That’s a book every 8 months. If I budget my life accordingly, I believe it shall be done. Done donedone done done!
I’ve got to quit making excuses, and I’m starting to believe it’s just a matter of better time management… In earnest effort to achieve this, I must adopt a new mindset, of: How bad do you really want this? What is the best way to keep progressing? And if I finally encourage myself to set these things in motion, I’ve got to realize that time is not my best friend, and I need to be respectful that there might not be surplus time, on my road. Then, the biggest truth I need to absorb is, at the end of my day, my only meter of worth must be: “Am I proud of my efforts and what I’ve given back to the world?” If I don’t present my wholehearted contribution, I cannot really claim a satisfied life.
So 2010, a toast: To your challenges, a Story to be told! A story of real living.
Update: December 2010- I think I was pretty on the money with my forecast & assessment. I think I’ve talked and talked to my sons, and I need to have faith that they’ve listened, that they take serious the things they should know they must do, and that I need to offer advice when they inquire it, and not fret so much. I can’t live their lives for them, or suffer through their stumbles. I need to be supportive and encouraging, not doting, nagging or controlling. I need to keep all that in focus, even when they come to me with their woes.
Because once I am comfortable with my role in this next phase in their lives, I can get more focused on the things I’m needing to do for myself. Writing, drawing, painting, recording, carving, designing, these are all things I’ve put off because of my fears of not doing enough for my sons. But in retrospect, I think I’ve done quite a lot, and of course I will do more as needed, but I really need to focus on my goals, so I can be happy with my life. 2011, please give me the clarity to get things done which will make me happy, and keep me positive for those who need me. Or should I say, God; God please give me these things. Then the years will simply get better and better.
