WTF?
Looking around at all the wonders of this world, you can’t help but look around and see all the oddball, wack stuff going on as well. You know, all the crazy crazy stuff we do in the name of gods, women, land, bragging rights, stylish threads, soccer teams, etc.
Well forget all that heavy-duty stuff for awhile. We haven’t solved any of that in 3 million years of humanity and I’m not about to put on my ass-whoopin’ boots. Some of these things won’t be resolved in ten lifetimes.
No, that makes it all the more essential that we fix a few things in the name of gosh-darn commons sense. Of allllllll the crap we can’t agree on, surely it’s time we put our cool headgear on and get together on these silly little items.
#1. Let’s all just drive to one side of the street, for Jesus sake! It doesn’t matter an ounce of difference what the HELL side it is, let’s just agree on this silly little thing, once and for all. Let’s sell some lottery tickets, have the money all go to charities, let the winning ticket go to some crazy dear old peasant from Slovenia, and we’ll set her up on a hill to do a final deciding coin toss. Heads we drive on the left, tails we all drive on the right. That’s the end of one ridiculous crossroads, so then we can all explore fun new lands and drive safe as you please!
#2. I understand we have to keep languages, native tongues to maintain heritage, culture, all that, OK, good on all of us. Wonderful. Darling. BUT, from now on, for any languages that use Latin-based characters, let’s go with a better standard, with an imperative: whatever the SOUND is, you gotta use univeral LETTERS to express that sound! No more G’s that sound like J’s and J’s that sound like C’s or CH’s or Z’s that sound like TS’s or E’s that sound like I’s or O’s that sound like AH’s, no more no more NO MORE!!! If your dear, darling, charming language makes a JJJ sound, let’s use some J’s! If you make a TCH sound, write that shit down! Just a little consistency, man, that crap would go a lonnnng way towards diplomacy!
and finally, #3. Can we just get rid of daylight savings time once and for all? All across the world? It is simply a MESS, the whole world over. Seriously, look it up, it’s like a jigsaw of who uses it and who doesn’t, and those pieces don’t even fit nicely. Back in simpler (stupider) times, it was about two things: saving lighting resources and letting the farmers have some light at the beginning of their day. If you research DSTime you find repeated conclusions: there is no conclusive evidence that we save energy or add productivity or reduce crime; the best of estimates keep returning to a figure of 1%, which is to say NO conclusive evidence!
It is MY assertion that we only are F*in’ things up every 6 months, causing accidents and confusion for a weekend and into Monday, all to fool ourselves that we implement some clever scheme, when in fact we DON’T gracefully implement it! And Goodness knows, you KNOW your damn computer never does the F&@%!n switch right, does it?? Ever??? No, no it doesn’t. YOU gotta manually fix that thing on like 8 devices in your house.
Here’s the wise Deaner solution: for those geographically angled lands which give a crap about an extra hour of daylight, here’s what you do: from the months of November to Feb. 28th, you just go to work an hour later. Everybody agrees, hey that’s cool if Joe comes in at 9 instead of 8, he’s getting his work done. Farmer Joe, you sleep in an extra hour so you’re not plowing in the moonlight. Everybody else, you’re going to work where they have electricity and all modern buildings have run on timers for decades, and at home the extra electricity you used last winter evens out when you use less this summer. Mystery solved!
People the world over will be ten levels of calmer & sunnier when they rest easy knowing they can leave their clocks and watches and DVDs and appliances and computers the heck alone and the world will still spin on just fine. Let’s do this one for the team; team Earth, look how nice we’re all playing ball together!
…and once we get those done, we can seriously have a beer summit and solve the silly meter/foot/celcius/fahrenheit folly!
